How To Work It In The Office
About a dozen times a year, strangers invite Jeffrey Gitomer to lunch, hoping to ask him for career or business advice.Mr. Gitomer, a sales consultant, speaker and author, is always happy to help: "Sure, no problem. I'll even buy lunch," he tells the entrepreneurs and small-business owners who call. "But I have a $1,000-an-hour brain-picking fee."
About half of the people who ask him to lunch agree to his financial arrangement, says Mr. Gitomer, who lives in Charlotte, N.C. "I think you command respect. And I am worth it."
Think all divas are women? Or that they are all badly behaved? As a diva might say, "Wrong, wrong, wrong!"
The concept of the diva originated on the opera stage. But divas (and their male counterparts, divos) are Divas, by definition, are high-performing, high-maintenance narcissists. Some are needy, demanding, negative—and talk almost incessantly about themselves. Researchers say these are "unhealthy divas" and the source of their narcissism usually is low self-esteem: They are constantly trying to pump themselves up.
Yet, believe it or not, researchers say some divas are healthy. We could learn a few tips from Beyonce. They adore the limelight and work hard to be always front and center—but they are willing to make room for others. They are spirited, fun and positive. Because they assume everyone around them is interested in them, they share a lot of themselves—and in this way bring people together. They have the ability to help others enjoy things that aren't normally enjoyable, whether it's a long line at the store, an office meeting or dinner with the boss.
Diva Behavior
1. Sticking to Their Guns
The diva has specific, but reasonable, demands about working conditions and rarely waivers from them. 2. Accepting Accolades
The diva relishes recognition, will speak eloquently—and shares credit and acknowledges others' contributions.
3. Surrounded by Strangers
The diva doesn't really care who is present and will be as demanding with one close colleague as with a room full of people.
4. Trials and Tribulations
The diva loves to talk about him- or herself, especially by telling stories that are engaging but sometimes cast him- or herself in a self-deprecating light.
5. Diva Mode
a. The diva often shifts into diva mode, in which he or she clearly states her requirements, often in an uncomfortably direct manner.
6. Creative Vision
The diva insists on pursuing his or her own creative ideas and vision and in the vast majority of instances brings the vision to fruition.
What separates a healthy diva from an unhealthy diva is this: Healthy divas stand up for others, not just themselves, says Ms. Fuller, author of a recent book about overcoming "mean girls" and nastiness at the office. "They are confident of their abilities and contributions, and they love recognition—but they are happy to give credit to others, too."
All divas are talented and feel a sense of entitlement. They aren't
reluctant to tell their spouse exactly what they want for their birthday
or to ask for a raise.Healthy divas, though, are self-aware. Their sense of privilege comes from their knowledge that they are worth it. They deliver 150%. They know that it's important to say, "This is what I do well. This is what I deserve. This is what I expect in a relationship," Ms. Fuller says.
Dan Nainan, a 31-year-old comedian in New York City, says he became more assertive and inflexible a few years ago, after reading a newspaper interview with a call girl. "She said that when she charged $500, men treated her like dirt, so she upped her price to $3,000, and now men treat her like gold," he says. "That really opened my mind."
Another big influence, Mr. Nainan says, was one of the rock music world's original divos—David Lee Roth, who famously put a clause in the concert rider for the band Van Halen banning brown M&Ms backstage. (It was a safety measure, the singer has explained: If brown M&Ms appeared on the catering table, he knew the concert promoter hadn't read the rider, which gave detailed instructions for constructing the stage set.)
Mr. Nainan, who entertains at corporate events and weddings, now sometimes channels his inner rock star. He refuses to perform when he isn't paid before going on stage, as his contract specifies. "If you are the talent, you need to demand what you are worth," he says. "I am worth it."
Researchers believe diva-like behavior has an evolutionary basis. "Narcissism is an adaptation for dominance," says Lawrence Josephs, a psychologist and professor at Adelphi University, in Garden City, N.Y. "It's basically saying that because I am better than you, you should defer or submit. You should know your place in the dominance hierarchy."
Narcissists, healthy or not, usually do well in the short term. They project status. People usually find them extroverted, confident and charismatic—at least at first. "Those are sexy traits," Dr. Josephs says. "These people would be seen as impressive rivals or attractive partners."
But studies show there are long-term costs for unhealthy narcissists. They are hypersensitive, demanding and intolerant of different viewpoints. They often have anger-management problems.
'This promotion is what I've wanted my whole life. I always knew my dream could come true.' | It doesn't occur to the unhealthy diva to share the credit. The healthy diva is self-aware, and secure enough to acknowledge others.
Experts say a humble person can learn to be a healthy diva. But there's more to it than just throwing on a power suit and some attitude. According to Ms. Fuller, you need to project confidence through body language and speech. You may want to cultivate a presence, through your posture and personal style, and let your personality shine.
And don't forget: You need to recognize others as well as yourself.
Article courtesy of The Wall Street Journal.
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